The framework i almost didn’t survive to build

I created my business, She Blooms, because I thought long and hard about the systems and frameworks the Lord helped me develop and follow in seasons when it was time to move forward, move different, or just move along. The most successful women create systems to manage their lives. TD Jakes taught me that.

There was a sermon series he preached many, many years ago called Cinderella Stilettos. It was a multi-disc DVD set, and I bought it online because every time I caught the previews on TV, I was captivated. It felt like he was talking right to me. I had to get my hands on that series so I could hear what he had to say. And y'all, I'm so glad I did.

At the time, I was a 22-year-old broke single mother living in a small one-bedroom apartment with my 2-year-old son and 3-month-old baby girl. My children's father had left me two months before.

He came home from work one day. Actually, he came home early, which took me by surprise. When he walked through the door, he didn't even greet me or the babies. He went straight into the room, and I heard rumbling in the closet.

I called to him from the couch where I was sitting. "What are you doing?! What's going on?!"

My first thought was that he'd left something behind and come back home to get it. But he wasn't answering me. I just heard a bunch of movement and zippers. So I placed our newborn in her bassinet and walked into the room. To my surprise, he had his suitcase open and was yanking his clothes aggressively off the hangers. I stood there in shock.

"Renard, what are you doing?!" I asked again, not believing what I was saying. We had just had a baby. This man could not be packing his clothes to leave me. Was he serious?

Our baby girl was only two weeks old. I had just had our child two weeks ago, and now I was standing in this room while her father packed his bags, not even acknowledging my presence, about to leave me. This couldn't be happening.

Twenty-two years later, I can still picture everything. I can still see and hear it all so clearly. And as much as I wanted to cry, scream, grab him and hit him, I didn't move. I just stood there. After he packed up all his belongings, he pushed past me and went into the living room to kiss the babies before he left. I called out to him again as I walked out of the room, and he finally acknowledged me:

"Look," he said, "I'm too young for all this. I'm too young to have two kids and to be taking care of everybody. I can't do this anymore. So I'm moving in with my cousin, he's outside in the car waiting for me."

"Your cousin?!" I yelled. "Damian put you up to this?! You're going to listen to him?!” I couldn’t believe my ears. “Damian”, I continued, “doesn't have kids, so he can't possibly understand what it takes to take care of a family. And I just had our baby, and I told you as soon as she's a few months old, I can get my job back. I told you I didn't want to move here to Tallahassee in the first place. Why didn't we even stay in St. Petersburg? I told you that if I came here and tried to get a job, nobody would hire me because I'm pregnant."

Two weeks postpartum, I was beyond irate and confused. This man was listening to someone who didn't have a family, who didn't have responsibilities. He was making a decision based on ignorance.

"And what do you mean you're too young? I'm younger than you!" I reasoned.

"Renard, you can't leave. What am I supposed to do? I just had this baby and rent is due in a couple of days!"

At this point I was exhausted, and I went to go sit down. This was just too much.

This man, the one I had loved for years, the one I would have stood in front of a bus for, the one I had pushed out two children for, looked at me. Unfazed.

Before walking out the door, he said: "You'll be all right. Your dad will help you out."

And then he left.

So yeah, as I was watching TV in that season of life, mere months after the father of my children had left, I was looking for help. Some type of word from God that my life would get better. So when I saw the commercial for TD Jakes' sermon series, I saved up my money and bought it. And that series was life-changing. It became one of the launching pads for me, the place where I began developing the systems, insight, and ideology of a wise and successful woman. There would be many more sermons, seminars, courses, conferences, books, and life experiences God would provide for me to become the woman I am today and I am grateful for every single one. And 22 years later, I am grateful that man left me. He was right - My Dad would help us. But more than that, God would help us and we as a family of three would go on to bud and blossom, in spite of.

I've said all this to say: if you are a woman in the throes of transition, in need of guidance and support to help you get unstuck, I'd like to offer you my services.

Women who are wise and successful have to have systems. They have to have a framework to organize their lives and pivot from where they are to where they want to be.

My goal is to get you rooted and rising in this season of life, instead of feeling like you've been tossed about by the winds and waves of life. Together, we'll discuss what your impediments are, work through systems that guide you toward ownership and autonomy over your goals, and create an action plan.

I don’t coach theory: I coach what I’ve lived and learned. I coach what I’ve done. I coach what I know. And Sis, I KNOW that you are one framework away from your breakthrough.